Even if you don’t have pets, this is still pretty funny.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS :

(1) They live here. You don’t. (2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don’t ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don’t hang out with drug-using people; (7) don’t smoke or drink, (8) don’t want to wear your clothes, (9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Yoda Dog

These dogs are dressed up in some ridiculous outfits, check it out!

http://www.realfunnydogs.com/

Here are more funny dog things. Dogs dressed up, drinking beer, doing tricks, and more:

http://www.funnydogsite.com/

http://www.angelfire.com/on2/dogtricks/home.html

Most Popular Dog Names in 2008

Reproduced from a Times Columnist:

He’s man’s best friend, but you can call him Buddy.
According to data supplied by three Lower Mainland cities, that’s the most popular name for a dog around these parts. The municipalities of Vancouver, Burnaby and Surrey provided The Province with lists of registered dog names so we could get a handle on the most popular handles. We found there were 7,611 different names for dogs in the three cities, and while monikers like Buddy, Maggie and Max were predictably popular, we also learned that Lower Mainlanders can get creative when it comes to their canines. The names ranged from the athletic — Kesler, Nazzy and Louie Luongo — to the aristocratic: Imagine sitting around a poker table with Lady Simone d’Alberni, Sir Stanley Ivory Dakota, Prince Abeser Prasad and Yogo Vom Eichbaum. In these coffee-loving West Coast communities, there are 62 Mochas but only six Lattes, 25 Scooters but only six Vespas. Oreos outnumber Cookies 59-57. There are three Jedis, six Solos and three Chewbaccas — not to mention an Obe Kenobi, Jar Jar Binks and even a Boba Fett. There’s a Sgt. Pepper, a Penny Lane, a Ruby Tuesday and a Lady Jane. We also found Rambo, Fonzie, James Bond and Indiana Jones. There are two Batmans but only one Bruce Wayne. Clearly, one is a copycat … er, dog. Historical figures are well-represented (Cleopatra, Socrates, Napoleon, George Washington), and so is food: Pizza, Pot Roast, Waffles, Yogurt, Wasabi, Vanilla Pudding and Chewy Potatoes, to name a few delicious-sounding dogs. When all the names were laid bare, we found 132 Bears. We also found Honey Bear, Fozzie Bear, Ted E Bear, Polar Bear, Betsy Bear, Taffy Bear, Panda Bear, Pookie Bear, Zoe Bear, B J Bear, Sadie Bear, Joe Joe Bear, Rupert Bear, Lady Bear, Koko Bear, Baby Bear, Buddy Bear, Blackie Bear, and, of course, Bear Bear. There are others, but we can’t bear to go on. We’ve compiled all the names in an online database, which you can search by name to find out how many dogs have the same name, and how high that name ranks in popularity out of the 7,611 we gathered. So if you’re the owner of the lone Yankee and you want to know how many Dodgers he’s up against, now’s the time to find out:

http://www.theprovince.com/dognames/index.html

Winner at the Sonoma Ugly Dog Contest

Do you think your Dog has what it takes? These competitions are fierce, but the victors really are some ugly looking dogs. They would look a lot better with a Bark4Beer collar around their necks!

Below are links to Animal Planet’s Ugly Dog Contest. Make sure to check out the gallery of photos of the ugly dogs:

http://animal.discovery.com/features/ugly-dog/

There are even smaller more local Ugly Dog contests around the country. Check out the winner at the World’s Ugliest Dog Contest in Sonoma California, an upstart boxer mutt with an underbite, or Sam the ugliest dog from Santa Barbara California.

http://www.sonoma-marinfair.org/uglydogcontest.shtml
http://www.samugliestdog.com/pastwinners.html

Just so you don’t think all dogs are ugly, we wanted to put in a link to some really good looking dogs. This also serves as contrast so you can tell just how ugly those other dogs are:

http://www.bestlookingpets.com/pet-type/dogs/